Picture Perfect

Friends and money are inextricably linked - where there's one, there's bound to be the other. I don't particularly mind, I just raise my right eyebrow when a friend wishes to borrow more than £20 at a time off me, so imagine the height my right eyebrow reached when I got a call today.

A friend who fled the current country in which I reside (England) to greener pastures was in a financial strut. "Help!" was the call, and so help he got (good friend I am, heh heh heh). Whenever I lend people money, I make a mental note that I will most likely never see it again, and therefore I basically decide if i really want to give the amount asked for, to the person asking it. The greatest amount which has ever been fleeced off me is currently $1,000US (just making it sound more). I no longer have that extraordinary buying power in my HSBC (Hongkong Shanghai Banking Corporation) account, indeed, the amount presently there is miniscule in comparison. I'm not working per se, have no job per se, and therefore have no income per se. Per se, therefore, my bank balance is very slim. This is not good, as I myself am fleeing the country in which I reside in August, and unless I want to live in cardboard boxes, my balance needs a quick boost. And fast. I will not be disclosing the amount, so don't bother asking. And no, I won't lend you anything either.

Anyway, I am poor. And that is the jist of this post at the current moment in time.

Last night I saw a few interesting films. They were short films (about 10-15 minutes in length, making them non-big-company-and-therefore-non-commercial-films) and were quite rubbish, all in all. Two, however stood out.

The first one which drew my attention was the world through the eyes and ears of an autistic person, sensory integration dysfunction being the symptoms pronounced in this production - therefore, the viewer heard the sound the band plays through the ears of this autistic guy, and what he sees...The film basically ends with the guy walking out of hospital with bandages around his ears, as he heard an explosion he was forced to listen to (which for him, would be magnified several times, meaning his eardrums probably burst).

The second was about the life of a tramp. He would be sat there on the corner, begging for change - "10 pence.....5p....anything at all...." being his words. And the viewer would then watch as passersby ignored him completely - he didn't exist in their world. When people did take notice of him, it was to criticise him, make fun of him, or offer him various reasons why they would buy him something to eat, but not give him any money.

"I suppose you go round the corner, get into your merc. Or are you more of a BMW man?" said one actor to the tramp actor dude. Of course, that sentiment is present in many people's minds. Of course, there are some "beggars" who are actually like that - dishonestly asking for money on the pretence they need it/can't get a job, etc. Many people come around to my house collecting for money, especially on a Sunday weekend. Of these, I don't know how many are authentic. I've heard all sorts of stories as to why money is needed.... "I have literally no money, nothing at all"...."this family are starving, they need your help..." .... "no one answers their doors here, please give me something!"....."we need your help, can you donate something to our organisation....?" and so on. As you can see, some are individuals, others are part of an organisation.

There is a charity regulating service in my community. This means the following: there is no way for a householder to know who is authentic and who "pops 'round the corner to get into their merc." Enter charity regulating service thinggy. They basically check out the claims of various people or organisations - see where the organisation is, if it exists, that sort of thing. If all goes well, they are issued with a certificate telling the householders that they are indeed, an actual needy cause, and not some con artist hoaxing you out of your money. If all does not go well (for them) then they are not issued with a certificate.

The idea of the certificate is to give the householder some idea of who is authentic, and therefore give money to. It also results in the house holder giving more money to someone with a certificate, than to someone without it. In my opinion, it's a good idea to issue these certificates, for the reasons stated above. When one is on the other side of the doorstep, however, and collecting for themselves, it just adds to the embarressment of the collector to have to verify that he and his family are, in fact, going hungry. Therefore the certificate is an evil, but a necessary one - just as roads are an evil to nature, but necessary for our rapid and comfortable movement.

The last collector I opened the door to came with another person, and told me "I have no money, nothing at all." Unfortunately, my parents were not at home and I had no cash on me. After roaming the house in search of monies, I eventually found some (in my room, funnily enough) and deposited the hard-earned cash with him. "Is that it?" was the response "last year your father gave me £10."

A few things then struck me at this juncture in time: 1) the thanklessness of this person (2) If he really had "no money" surely anything he got would be good? Beggars can't be choosers afterall. (3) He lied. No one gave him anything "last year" because his certificate said he wasn't in the country last year. His certificate said he was 3,000 miles away from my house. I fought with the urge to call him a liar and take the money back, or just shut the door on him at the very least. As I was pondering this, the other person he came with started asking for money too. If people knock on the door together, I assume they are together - unless they're girl-scouts, everyone knows girl-scouts collect money in pairs, and you have to give them BOTH money, as they are not together. And you must give them exactly the same amount each, so beware. These two men of 40 years were not girl scouts. I asked if they were together. "no, no!" More lies and filth. There was only one certificate between the pair of them, meaning if the other dude really wasn't with the lying guy, then he would have his own certificate. There was none. The bloomin' cheek! The lying guy with the certificate ran away hastily and waited for his friend behind the front garden hedge, and being the nice person I am, I went to get more cash and gave it to him (though considerably less than the first dude, as they were together anyway). Then I firmly shut the door.

What an unpleasant business! Not only did they not thank me for my donation, not only did they demand more from me, and not only did they lie to me, but they also....well...is that not enough to be getting along with? Sheesh.

As you may or may not know, I enjoy psychology. Therefore, doing things which is totally different from what someone expects you to do, throws the other person off. And this is where my fun comes in. Religious collectors.
All sorts of organisations come knocking on my door, and some of them are from religious groups. Devout Christians - an elderly lady and someone who looked like her grandaughter of about 10 - came knocking on my door. Me being me, I donned the largest skull-cap I could find, and found other religious articles of clothing which I displayed in their full view. I answered the door. "Yeeeees?" I asked, in hushed tones. "This is a Jewish house hold?" the lady enquired (10 points for observation skills. What gave it away?). After replying in the affirmitive, she proceeded to ask me about Jesus, and if I believed he could stop world problems. Any Jew decked out in as much religious clothing as I was would say "no" for the simple reason that Jews tend not to believe in Jesus as a God, Lord, Messiah, or anything at all, really. She being a devout Christian would know this. So I said yes. What followed was an awkward silence accompanied by "Oh. Ok. Bye then" - looked like I cut short a long prepared sermon about why Jesus could save me. Shame.

Me being me, I excersise my sadistic psychological games on everyone. For this reason, when a rabbi came knocking on my door, I found the smallest skull-cap I could muster, and ensured there was no other artifacts of religious connotations within view of the door, or on my person (stars of david and such). I answered the door. I said nothing, but smiled, and raised my eyebrows in an enquiring way. He looked me up and down, and decided he'd go directly to the source of the money: "Is your father in?"

There is no doubt that I was taken to be wholly irreligious and ignorant of any wider religious matters. He may have seen me donning my small skull-cap just as I opened the door, perhaps, he probably thought, I was putting it on so as to seem respectful in front of "the rabbi." Therefore when I responded in the language spoken by elderly, ultra-religious European Jews (not widely known amongst European Jews anymore, certainly not my age) with the words "mein tate nicht doh" - my father isn't here - he looked totally thrown. He did not, however, take a step backwards. He seemed to be made of sterner stuff. I told him my father would be back shortly, and he said he'd wait. It was a dark, cold evening, so I invited him in. Offered him a drink. He would take only water. Cold water. "Would you like tea?" No thanks. "Coffee?" No, thanks, just some water. "Fruit juice?" No, thank you. Water. "Milk?" No thank you.

I knew he wouldn't actually take any drink I offered him even before I offered it. I knew he would only take water, before I asked - the rest of the drinks provide various difficulties in Jewish law; if the water in a bevarage is hot, me being taken as an irreligious Jew, would most probably have contravened the laws prescribed in the bible not to cook milk and meat together. The fruit juice may have contained grapes, something not entirely "kosher." The milk most certainly wouldn't be kosher.

And so I gave him a drink of cold water. In winter.

Whilst we were waiting for my father to return, I asked him if he would like to study a book. "No thank you, that's ok." I wasn't having any of it of course. Out came the bible. He was pleasantly surprised that I knew what a bible was, and which way up the Hebrew version went and how to open it (right to left, opposite direction of English books). And so I quizzed him on the bible. We spent about 15 minutes together, reading through in Hebrew the various portions. Being somewhat familiar with the bible, I posed the most difficult questions I could think of, much to his astonishment - since when do irreligious people know what a bible is, speak Yiddish, read Hebrew and pose questions based on obscure rabbinic commentaries?

I had fun. So did he, it transpired.
The best ordeal was that of a missionary. He knocked on my door. I answered the door, with the same trick in place - large skull-cap, religious artifacts scattered around my person, throw 'em off! I said nothing. He said nothing. We made eye contact. Still nothing. He held out a local church leaflet, publicising something-or-other with the words "want one anyway mate?"

Adios!

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Disclaimer: No missionaries, priests, nuns, rabbis, Mormons, Jehova's Witnesses, collectors-of-money were hurt during any of these experiments. Just confused.

Revision done: Poop.
Constructive things done: Poop.
Unconstructive things done: Poop.

Basically, not much is getting done. This is a sorry state of affairs.

Reason: Can't be bothered.

Is this a good excuse? Of course not. Is it valid? Yeah!!

Inside my little mettle box, which people tend to call "the computer" (actually, people tend to call the screen "the computer." Those that know better, call the screen AND the box, "the computer." And those who know a little better than that, call the little mettle box, "the computer") I have two Operating Systems (what you see when you use your computer). Most peopel use Microsoft's Windows, '95 (hah! update! update!) '98 (and it's various re-incarnations of 98SE and Millenium Edition) or Windows XP.

I, have something else. On top of Windows Millenium Edition, I have a little package called Linux. It cost me nothing. That's right. It's free.

And in frank honesty.... I LOVE IT!

However, I have no idea how to use it properly. I consider myself reasonably good at computers. I have an A Level in the subject. I took every computing exam I ever took, one year early. I got good marks in the GCSEs and A Level modules which I have done. I've been using computers for a long time.

It therefore stands to reason that I should be able to use a "different type of windows" does it not?
No, it doesn't.

Any experience I may have had goes out the window, and when using this brilliant "Linux" system, I may as well be a toddler with a mouse, and bopping the keyboard.

Nothing seems to work in Linux for me. I can't even win any of the free games it comes with. The highest i've got to is level two in some little platform game or other. On the other side of the scale, the grand side that is, where problems are really problems, my W/LAN 512kbps DSL connection is not working. It does not work.

This means, to the average computer user, that I cannot get on the internet. There is no internet for me on that Linux thinggy. Obviously, I am now not using the said "linux thinggy."
I have attempted to fix this. I have tried to get the internet up. But. It leads nowhere.

And now, something else has happened. I am locked out my root user. I can log in - but my session lasts less than 10 seconds. The "blurble-blurble-blah-blah-blah.GNU" has failed, and doesn't seem to want to work. To me, and to the average user, this means I cannot actually use this linux thinggy. Luckily, when root was working, I set up alternate accounts to log into. This means I can use it, but with restrictions. This also means I cannot attempt to fix my i/net connection. Ah, well.

For the average user: Imagine a black hole. Now imagine a blacker one than that. Then imagine a black hole, filled with mess. All kinds, and any mess. Just mess. A very messy hole which is black. Now imagine you have a migrane just by looking at it.

This is basically my situation.
Feel sorry for me? Good.

It is not a place you want to be. Ever. It burns. Oh, it burns!

Un autre jour, un autre chance pour faire ce que vous n'avez pas fait hier.
Je ne voudrais pas étre ici maintenant, car j'ai autre choses pour faire.

Le mois est presque fini, et j'ai un commentaire pour chaque jour! :-)
--- chaque jour, moins le 17th - il y a un commentaire pour le 17th mais, vous ne pouvez pas le voir, malheureusement. Je ne sais pas pourqoui.

J'ai dormi pour plus longtemps ce matin - et pour ma conférence, je n'arrivé pas. Uh oh.

Je commence à penser qu'il n'y a pas un mot pour "overslept" en Français, juste comme il n'y a pas un mot pour "rubbish" - il y a "poubelle," mais, c'est le cassier pour la "rubbish." Ainsi, il n'y a pas une expression pour "That's rubbish!" - ma mère dit parce-que les Français n'ayez pas les mauvaises façons de l'Anglais ou l'États Unis. Je connais c'est faux - les Français mange l'escargots de votre jardin! Laissez mes escargots!!

C'est un mauvaises façons pour une personne manger votre compagnie - si votre compagnie est une escargots, ou grenouille. Je ne mange pas votre chien et vous ne mange pas mon grenouille: vous ne magez pas ma grenouille ou escargots!

Je dois partir maintenant, alors, au revoir tout le monde!

Fatigué aussi.

Alors, je sais les mots en le titre ne soyez pas français, mais Italien - mais qui observe? Exactement. Personne. J'ai eu mon examen hier, j'espère qu'il est bien allé ou il sera mauvais pour moi - je n'obtiendrai pas (obtiendrai! whoa: masculin singulier futur conditionnel - tres difficile pour moi :p) un "A."

Je voudrais un A.
J'ai besoin d'un A.
Les mauvaises choses se produiront sans ça.

Nouveau vocabulaire est souligné.

Pour les peuples qui ne comprenez pas le français, il y a une translation ici leur:

I had my second exam yesterday. It was actually quite hard. English Literature. No one had a good feeling after the exam about it. This is bad news. Per l'amour di Dio, se soltanto.....!

I have come to the recent realisation that nowhere in my blog, writing for over 6 months, have I actually said anything about religion.

Ok, once, where I launched into a very, very long bit of writing about various religious beliefs, such as Christianity, Judaism, Islam, wicca, and other pagan religions - which i'm sure no one except sara actually read.

This is probably because there are entire blogs and websites dedicated to religion, and it's a sore topic i'd rather not tint my blog with. That, and politics. The only time I spoke about politics, was the election time, and so I can be excused for that. This explains the absence of two topics which fills large proportions of a large number of people's days. Indeed, my blog was even boycotted for mentioning politics for a while, by the venerable Mr. Biscuit.

These are therefore not two topics I generally like to speak about.

Also, the amount of times I actually speak about myself, one can count on their left hand (except Captain Hook, who would have to count on his right hand, of course). This, coupled with the fact that I don't speak about religion here, means I have never mentioned my religious affiliation.

It was just a passing thought, brought on by this user. And so, If you haven't already guessed by the title, I am an adherent of the socio-religious system known to the world as Judaism - not to be confused with Jainism.

I like my religion.
I like everything from the structure of it, to the practise of it. The community values it affords, the close family ties, the friendlyness between practisioners of the religion. From mini-sermons printed on "kosher" orange juice bottles about anger management, to the familiar chant of a class of 30 children reading the bible in their school, I love it all.

The community values are spurred on by the fact that - especially in Europe - the world around a Jew is not as friendly as one would have thought in the current age and time. Living in a - partially - hostile environment, therefore, community values are extremely strong. There is, however, a thin divide between strong community values and downright nosyness. But what is "being nosy?" Who invented this term? The desire "not to be nosey" has, in my opinion, spread a culture of apathy across at least London (the place where I currentyly reside). People could be getting seriously hurt, and onlookers would not get involved at all. Why? It's not their business. Instead of calling the police, they'd simply prop their newspapers a little higher so they can't see what's happening - out of sight, out of mind. It didn't happen. It doesn't exist. It's not my business.

This, of course, is not a good situation at all. It is extremely worrying that if someone is in trouble, people willing to help them out are far and few between. I have conducted various experiments. I have watched how many people walk out of a tube, and see how many offer help to a lady taking a pram down the stairs of the station (there are quite a few steps at the stations I have in mind. I'd put the figure to about 35, if not more). I watch as no one offers help, then I ask if I can lend them a hand.

And they don't always accept.

This, I think, may be because of factors such as general violence levels, etc. (I like conducting these experiments. I have conducted many of them, for example, seeing how far I can push accepted social boundries; soberly asking the time at the bus stop whilst wearing green face-paint and a funny wig [I was on the way to a dressing-up party, and decided to see what would happen], playing a musical instrument at the top deck of a london bus. Positioning myself and others to sit on alternate seats on the tubes, to see if people would rather stand, or sit next to unknown strangers. So, i've noticed that people would rather stand on the Underground, than sit next to someone).

But I'm not here to complain about society.
I'm here instead, to speak about religion.

No one generally knows much about religions other than their own, much less strange religions such as Judaism, filled with loads of rules. "Judaism" for most people conjures images of black hats, and a connection to the situation in the middle east, and for the people who know a little bit of history, a vague connection with the holocaust too.

I have come into contact with many people whose entire knowledge of Judaism hinges on the "Illuminati" and "The Protocols of The Wise Elders of Zion." Therefore, no one knows, exactly, what it is. Many dismiss it as a religion with a whole bunch of rules which means you "can't do stuff." Indeed, Judaism isn't a religion for the light hearted. To this effect, Jews do not ask others to join their religion - there are no Jewish "missionaries."

There are many misonceptions about Jewish belief too. It's astounding as to what people believe I believe. It's also astounding that once I set them right, these same said people will declare me incorrect - afterall, "real Jews" believe in xyz, and I told them differently. They would know better than me of course (sarcasm). Their information comes from sources which aren't too reliable, such as their own religious leaders, or the media.

In my own experience, being Jewish is a thrill. It's exciting. There are no questions one cannot ask, and learning is never finished: there is always more to be said, always more to explore and probe. Discovery.

One can share one's chips with kids in the local park, and not be branded a paedophile - afterall, the community is so tight, that everyone knows everyone else. And if you don't know someone, you know someone else who does know them.

As Jewish people tend to marry other Jewish people (more practical), people tend to be related to many of the people who practise Judaism. It's a thrill and excitement to eventually find that your life-long friend who lives just next door is, in fact, your 10th cousin, 50 times removed.

When inviting people over, there could be 10 seats and 20 guests: and yet everyone has a place to sit, and a plate to eat on. In a gathering such as this, as Jews tend to have relations in far-flung places, I counted how many countries people there were from, or had relatives in: Israel, America, Austrailia, South Africa, France, Canada, Holland, Belgium and even Iraq. All in a gathering of just 10 people.

To sum everything up: moderation of all things, kindness to everyone, learning, community and moral values.

The rest is fluff.

Je suis ici avec rien dire! Alors, je vous dirai au sujet de mon jour. C'était tres enneuyeaux(? - oú: alésage). J'ai un examen demain, littérature d'anglais. Mais maintenant, j'irai avec mon ami a la resteurant, pour manger et boire, soyez joyeux et danse. Ok, ok, pas danse, mais vous connais ce que je veux dire.

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TRANSLATION:
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Only an old man with one eye who needs a large omnocular would not find out that my blog is turning somewhat French. As most of my readership probably are old men with one eyes and omnoculars, let me tell you: My blog is turning French.

This does not mean to say I will never write in English again. It just means to say I will also write in French. Worry not, ye bloggers! My English is here to stay.

On that note, I don't actually have anything to say. Oh. Except that I do have an exam tomorrow, which my French readers may have picked up on by now. I'm also about to flee my household for the restaurants where I'm meeting a friend. I say restaurant, no doubt conjuring images of grandeur - but it's basically a take away place with the option to sit inside.

Et maintenant, mes enfants, je dois partir!

You would do well, however, to learn more French. To this end, here are the translation to some hard words I used (and most probably had to look up):

"Je" = "I." Although not strictly a hard word, it is the most important word in this post. It is also the first word in the post. In fact, it is the first and foremost word in the entire blog. That's right, there is no "I" in "team." But then, team work is a bunch of people doing what I say.

au sujet de mon jour = "about my day"

enneuyeaux(? - oú: alésage) = boring. alésage means the same thing, but wasn't the word I was looking for. I don't know if i've spelled "enneuyeaux" correctly, hence the brackets, and the alternate word.

mais vous connais ce que je veux dire = but you know what I want to say. Phew! possibly the hardest phrase I have ever written in French, in my life. The sound of "ce que je veux dire" when pronounced properly makes me feel all tingly and warm inside. In my hollow, metal, insides of course. I have no heart [in the metaphorical sense - all living mamals have hearts], or feelings.

And so, my dear, dear children whom I love dearly. It is time for us to part. What a sad moment this is. But, you know what they say. Well. What I say. Part, to meet again.

Oh la la! Sacred bleu! Quand j'arrivé a mon blog aujourd'hui, il y avait quel'que chose que choqué! Un message - d'erreur - quel dit "attention, mais la page qui vous attendez ne pas ici maintenat." - je (j'ai?) pensé que mon blog était supprimé! Supprimé par cyberspace, perdu pour éternité: le choc! l'horreur! Je pensé mon travail était allé par l'internet.

Alors, je suis écrire un livre de la fiction - si il est édité, je donnerai une édition a les bloggers - c'est vous! Pourqoui? parceque...je suis gentil :p
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For my English speaking peoples of London, the rest of the English speaking civilised world and Austrailia, I am currently writing a work of fiction to replace the other work I had started, but decided it wouldn't sell for toffee - not because it was rubbish (though it may have been, I was told otherwise) but because I didn't think people would be interested in reading it. Then again, who decided people would be interested in reading 800 page books about a teenage wizard throwing spells about? But that worked well (and I love all the Harry Potter books. Although I don't think anyone who reads this blog would actually agree with me, that it's good).

And that, folks, is all for now.

oh. one thing. Responses.

la scottish francais, pour vos mots aimables, je dirai merci beaucoup! Mais je pense vos mots étaient la flatterie ;-) - il y avait grand erreurs en mon message. :-(
avec pratiquez je serai plus fluent que maintenant - j'éspere.

Au revoir, tout le monde!