Picture Perfect

Hello, my dears.
Here we are, on a grand day. The sun is hiding, the rain clouds are out, and the weather is murkey. How beautiful!

The reason why this post is dedicated to Jo is because she is my friend, who I made sad, most unfortunately. Alas. And now, she appears to be happy again. However, the funnyness in this blog should be in memory of her, and to keep in mind the happy times to come. Hugs and kisses to you, Jo!

And so, on this fine, fine day, what have I gone and done?
I have gone and made this for you all. Enjoy.

Script
(Semi-Irish/Scottish accent, a male is speaking)
Hi. My names Mary. I'm 16, have brown hair, and green eyes. I'm 5 ft 6. How about you?

(Deep, low, male voice)
Hi Mary. My name's Vicky. I'm 16 and like horses. I have blonde hair, blue eyes and a small build.
Where do you live?

(Narrator)
Be careful on the internet. People who you talk to are not always who they say they are
If you are a paedophile or sex offender on the net, keep in mind that works both ways.
The person you are speaking to, could also be a sex offender.

(Narrator) (the Scottish bloke) (deep voice guy)
Net safe. Keeping the Internet safer. For everyone.
(music ends)



Just to keep things positive and fun, take a looky:

People I love
Jo (A new convert to blogspirit)
Artemis (An even newer convert to blogspirit)

People I like
Scottish frog
Chaos Fairy
PNB (the one who inspired me to make my own blog, 7 months ago!)
everyone else from blogspirit who comment on this blog (Because you're all very nice, and quite simply, I could be here for ages typing everyone up and still not finish)

People I don't give a monkey's about
No one (HA! See? Positive. Positive attitude).

People I hate
Somebody (a mere splinter as I slide down the banister of life).
----------------------

Short Poems:
If we held our loved ones dear,
As enemies to us who're near,
None would know what was a sigh,
And how much happier we'd be nigh.
-----
It is because light is faster than sound,
That some appear bright before they make their mouth's round,
Hence rather I be thought wise,
Than open my mouth and prove otherwise.
-----
A sharpened tongue flailing about,
Centre of every shout,
It is to be found wagging out,
Yet harken here just listen ye:
A sharpened tongue is indication not,
Of a keen mind which ye are in wont.
----
If they who make sayings say,
Ignorance is really bliss,
You my friend have been blessed,
For you would be in ecstacy.
-----
Ye fool, ye dog,
What hath thou gone and dug?
A hole for yeself, a frightful bog,
For thou hath entered through a fog,
A battle of wits have we here,
And totally unprepared are ye with gear.
-----
My hate for you is grand,
My hate for you is bland,
The only thing which scares me now,
Is one may hate me as much as I you.
-----
If they who speak wisdom say,
What you know not,
Hurts you not,
Why, you are most fortunate,
For that would make you invincible.
------
Poor friend are thee to me,
For 'tis as the physician fears:
Diarrhea of the mouth,
constipation of the Ideas.
------
I know a chap,
Dishonest is he,
He'll sell you some mud all for a fee,
Why, what he speaks belive you not,
Most likely 'tis all rot.
Yet he speaks this with such proficiency
That I say, between you and me,
What is spake I cannot tell,
Are really lies for sure!
-----
Oh come my dear,
my companion near,
I like you, and be sure that's clear.
I am told I have no taste, my love,
But like you I do my dear.
----
Look, my friend, come and hear,
We don't object to your mindlessness,
Simply the time about us you share,
'tis too long for us, my dear.
-----
Realise ye not,
that we think of you rot,
Your efforts succeeded,
To you we have heeded,
When pressure you put,
Upon us you ceeded,
But know ye not,
That hate can be found,
It already abounds,
without ye insisting on more?
------

Some better than others. Ah, well. S'all good! :-)

I turned to you in my hour of need,
You were kind enough to pay me heed,
But what a price I paid for your kind deed!
I thought you an ally, a friend to be,
But instead you happily betrayed me,
Offering wrong advice to make my fall grand,
Laughing and celebrating as I fell face first in the sand.
Such an unhappy ploy you played upon me,
You have no honour that I now see,
You coveted what was in my grasp,
Secretly worked against me to hear my dying rasp,
Behind my back you laughed at me,
All the while planned against me secretly,
Until you snatched what I had meant to hold,
And calling it yours from the start 'twas bold,
So close was it to my heart I felt sadness untold,
And now you make off with what was to be mine,
You hide your face in shame knowingly ye swine,
Making no mention of this at all and carry on as if all is fine,
With wanting eyes you perceived,
With wise lies you deceived,
Weaving a net of cunning,
But I know now who you are,
A good name now mayn't get you far,
Yet should your posessions someone claim,
Be sure to know all you'll have is your name,
Though it looks good now you'll be sure to fall,
In your turn someone will make you stall,
As you did to me so shall you be.
And one day, my friend, wheresoever you are,
You'll remember what you did in a past not so far,
And you'll remember me.
------------

The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe the person in the poem.
I deplore this person. Has a tongue so sharp, you could open mail with it. One day they'll learn a sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind. Whether or not they'll heed to their learning is another matter. I fear they will not. Being manipulative, clever enough to succeed at it, and being overtly mean, is a dangerous combination.

Oh, to be relieved from secrets vast,
The happenings of a bleak past,
To remove that leaden weight,
Which upon my heart hath sate,
Oh, to be free from fetters cast,
To throw them off at last,
Move about unhindered here,
Free from pains which in me sear,
Oh, to find in me what once I was,
Which now is lost to me, because,
The misery which those secrets bring,
Allows me not to once more sing,
As I had in times gone past,
When I was free of those secrets vast.

-------------------------

I like poetry.
My poems are generally sad.
I want to publish my poems one day.
I probably won't.

I have an exam today.
My exams are generally hard.
I want to pass them all with flying colours.
I probably won't.

No, this isn't a poem.
Just in case you were wondering.
It does really look like one, I suppose.
It isn't.

It could be.
But it isn't.

Anyway, back to normality (hah! What's that?).
I know exactly why I feel down ocassionally (yes, it really isn't often), what I feel down about, how to remedy it.
It's just the cure is not ready to hand.

And now, I'm as happy as a bunny in the sun! Strange.
Perspective is the key to everything, it appears.
Had I kept perspective in mind, I wouldn't have done many things I have done in the past. And had I kept perspective in mine, I would have done oh so much more.

They say old age is regret.
Looks like old age came 70 years too early (I plan on being at least 90 when I die).

Walking on a beach at noon,
When everything is really grand,
Two pairs of feet are left in the sand,
But on the stormy nights in life,
Which grow to be ever so rife,
I look upon the beach and find,
Imprints of only mine left behind,
And in the time I need you most,
When all was lost to me,
When all but friendship is to be,
Where on earth were you?
Where was I you ask me clear,
Why, I was with you, my dear,
For it was me who walked upon that beach,
And it was my imprints upon the sand,
During those times so harsh and bland,
In your time of strife,
And the difficult parts in your life,
You are not alone, my dear,
I am always very near,
For behold, my love,
It was me who carried you.
-------------------------------

And so, once again, I have come face to face to abysmality.
I am extremely dissapointed in someone due to something which happened - which, obviously, they did.

As usual, I'm as clear as spring water on a summer's day. And no, no more details. But the point of it is, as I'm extremely dissapointed, I am blue yet again.

To keep things in perspective, I'm so dissapointed with this person, that what they did could be considered something in a long line of things which finally accumulates in a deal breaker: I don't want to know them anymore. Don't call me, I won't call you. Leave. Go. Bamoosh.

What I need, I think, is someone to confide in. I have no one - no one - who is a suitable person for me to "tell things." I'm not an untrusting person. I'm not friendless. You can now guess that whatever it is I have to say is something terrible. It isn't.
And, due to this lack of suitable person, I tell my thoughts to my blog. But no longer. Why? Because people I sort of know come here. I've been very tempted for a long time, to write a new blog for this reason: so I can once again confide in my blog, and remain anonymous.

Toodles!

So I asked The Girl if she wanted a pizza and a talk.
Just my luck she's going to New York tomrrow for the rest of the year.....

.....
........

*adds 1+1 together*......

DAMMIT!

-------
ok, i was kidding.
She's going for two weeks and said she'd "think about it" (never good) but I should ask her nearer the time.
She seems a little too energetic for me. Too bubbly.

She's awfully clever. Which means she'll be able to pinpoint every single one of my faults in 3 seconds at 50 paces. Damn.

Anyway, I know a great pizza place where we can go. We'll go there.

And in other news.....
I'm as blue as stilton cheese. Again. Yes, you heard correctly.

And I don't want your pity!


----------

And now i feel almost right as rain. look at that. I'm strange. I also feel a bit sick. and will go to sleep now. bye bye!

She's so cute!
Mostly, she just sits there in my arms, sometimes resting her head on my shoulder, staying silent. It's like there's a little compartment which she snugly fits into. I could just stand there all day with her, giving her a kiss every so often.

Then, for some reason or another, she starts crying. Of course, no crying is allowed when I'm around, so off we go to make it all better.

Putting her in front of a mirror is an effective way to stop any baby crying in my experience (of kidnapping other people's babies for a while). Toys? No chance. Little sparkly things? Risky. Mirrors? Guaranteed to work, especially if it has some sort of colourful frame going around it, like gold-coloured. In fact, this is the best thing to quieten a baby with, second only to mummy's breasts (of course, the child's mother, not mine or yours. unless youre the child in question, in which case I hope to high heaven it's not true).

Alas, I do not have the anatomical equiptment to fill in for the mother, so off I go to find mirrors and sparkly frames.

Babies are so very cute. Then they turn two, and the world turns upside down. Literally. Everything on shelves ends up on the floor, everything on the floor ends up thrown about into high places, and everything too high up to throw, pull down, or break, is often simply soaked with water from the kid's water bottle thinggy.

Then they turn three. Of course, by the time they're three, most kids can speak as well as Tony Blair (not saying much, really). Then the fun starts to come in. By the time you've cleaned their last nappy and turn to tuck them into bed, they're already 5, and demanding bedime stories and the like.

By the time they reach 6-10, they're little snot-nosed toe rags who play in the mud all day, despite your strict orders not to. When they're 13, they turn into rebellious, smelly teenagers with attitude problems. When a kid's 12....you, the parent, are safe. Then the second they turn 13.....BAM! You've had it.

From 13-19, they always know better than anyone else, don't particularly want to spend time with family ("you're so boring!" - "I'm going out with friends. Bye. *slams door*" - "I've already made plans *rings friend on mobile: you gotta get me outta here!....*" - "muuuuuuuuuum (alternately, "daaaaaaaad") I'm going out. Can I have some moneeeeeeeeey?" Of course, the most common words in every teenagers arsenal are:
"I don't want to!"
"I don't care!"
"I dunno!"
"I can't be bothered!"
"I....I....I.....I"
and the like. Rudness may differ.)

Then they turn 20. Thank God. The attitude dissapears. And then what happens? For girls, It's like a re-inacarnation of the sweet-16 years, but without the excess make-up and perfume. For boys...well...nothing's changed. They're just as difficult as they always were when they were terrible two, with the added ability to speak, shout, yell, and do what they want at the parent's expense, and generally to their consternation.

Then they get married. Sometimes....sometimes you just have to let go. This is certainly that time. The birds leave the nest. Such a sad time. But so happy too. *sniff*

And then, as they totter off to their own homes, to live happily ever after and to make their parents grand-parents in a last bout of revenge for all those times they said "no, you can't do that now. Go to bed!" (which backfires miserably when they realise they've become their parents).

-----

But this is all far off in the future, I realise, as I watch this teeny tot, who can't yet travel about on hands and knees. Smells of talcum powder and poo. Smells of babies. Gotta love 'em.

I'm here and I feel sad.

I'm sad because I can't give. I'm sad because I can't be. And I'm sad because there's no one to be with.


For those of you who have to ask what that means, wouldn't even understand the answer.

So. The results of the bidding were brilliant!

I sold for 10 million pounds! YES! TEN MILLION POUNDS! I cancelled all bidding after this. Here's the proof. I saved it here: http://www.geocities.com/sci_rel/me.htm

Mindy, she being the friend who was nuts enough to go up on e-bay with me, was worth a pitiful million pounds or so, and can be viewed here: http://www.geocities.com/sci_rel/mind.htm

I cancelled the bids on myself and herself (explanation was "goods are broken/lost").

What's interesting was the bidding history. There was a tough battle between Jo (remember London Zoo Jo?) and another dude else who lived in Manchester to buy me, and it went into the millions. 10 million is the maximum bid on e-bay, it appears.

So I offered to take the person who won me out to have a drink. As the bidding was neck and neck at 10 million, both users being unable to bid more, they can both claim a drink off me at some point, whenever they next see me.

I have finally taken the plunge! A friend and myself are currently selling ourselves on e-bay!!
We're going to wake up owned by a fat, drunk guy named bob in Manchester! wooooooo!

Take a looke here: Myself. Friend.

And please, do bid or pose questions. The more the merrier! It runs for 10 days.

Seeing as a lot of people wish to see Harry Potter dead, I have decided to back his cause.
To this effect, I dedicate this post to him. And not only do I do that, I do this.