Picture Perfect

Someone I was in an argument with in ccuk once told me that I was an idiot. Not in quite so few words, and perhaps not as politely as all that. They appended to the statement "...and for some reason, you're always followed by a gang of giggling girls." I like to think the giggling part is because I'm a funny guy, not because i'm a weird guy, to be mocked and laughed at. Though, of course, I'm prepared for the likes of Helen, Cat and Arty to object to this and insist, on no uncertain terms, that I am a weirdo - not to be mocked and laughed at, because that's cruel, but weird nontheless.

That explains the title. Oh. On a related note, I was supposedly hexed by a ccuk member in the early hours of Monday morning. I was told it was "a little hex" which was "attached" to me due "to my ignorance" (of course, I was just being completely obnoxious, as is my wont. He took himself too seriously and therefore took extreme offence to my banter. Oh well. But talk about harsh teaching! Helen, I hope you do not hex your students for their ignorance. Maybe it's something you should look into. I feel like i'm in Hogwarts and someone tried to cast that bogie spell on me). I'm not a supersitious person. I do not believe any such hexes will have an effect on me, or anyone else I know. This begs the question: why do people follow the occult, druidism and the like? I have theories, but that's for another time.

What I want to discuss now, are love potions. I mean, err...romantic possibilities.  Mine, to be precise.

AG: There's this girl, who shall merely be referred to as AG henceforth. I think she brilliant, yudda yudda, blah blah blah. You get the picture. Cut a long story short, I decided a short while ago to risk everything and see if she'll agree to go out with me. Cat has been indirectly preparing me for defeat, reminding me that "she is very hot" (her own words. I don't think she's "hot" I think she's very pretty. Hot is something else completely. It's also an Americanism, so go wash out your mouth, Cat!). But why risk everything? What do I stand to lose? Aside from my self confidence and self respect of course, that's a given. Things which I don't want to talk about here, is what... Plus, things never are the same afterwards, no matter how much I want them to be. Deep down, something's changed and it can't be hidden. At least for me. For others, it may be different.

TOG: This Other Girl. She's not someone I speak about often, but she lives very close to me. She's in uni with me. I don't fancy her. I know many people who do. But i've never been in those ranks, for some reason. But I must admit, she's growing on me. She's really down-to-earth and so very easy to get along with. She seems to understand my weird sense of humour and doesn't take offence at things when other people perhaps would. Of course, that's just down to me being very blunt at times, or saying something which can be taken as offensive, or benign. Not because I do it on purpose, but because that's just who I am. Not that I do this all the time...but sometimes I do. It happens! She's generally a nice, sweet girl.

There are other girls in my life, but I am not as impressed by them as the above two. Just for purposes of comedy, I shall include one more, who I have no romantic interests in whatsoever.

YAG: Yet Another Girl. This one makes me want to pull my hair out everytime I see her. I try to avoid her at all costs. I think she looks a little like Arty, actually. I actually stopped speaking to her completely for about 2 months. That was the 2 months I've had. What a respite! Unfortunately, her personality bears a remarkable likeness to my character. She comes out with concepts and even exact phrases that i've used myself in the past (not to her, to other friends. Actual friends.) After meeting her I discovered, if I wasn't me, I have little doubt I would hate me.

Anyway. I must get back to This Other Girl's house. In case you haven't heard, i'm back to e-mail communications with AG. She had previously suggested that we stop. Why? "Deep down, we both know why" - yes, I do. Very deep down. But now I've chosen to ignore that, and moved it even further down. I think i'm in with a chance with her. If I get rejected, it'll be for a deep down reason (not necessarily the same) which, I hope will stay burried forevermore. Not something anyone should ever, ever know. It's not that bad, I'm just the secretive sort.

Anyway! I am 20 minutes late. BYE!!

Just finished X-men 3. Brilliance! But this is not what I wanted to say.

I am moving to Israel in August.

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......
.........

Ok, ok. Shh. Not forever.
Settle DOWN, children. I'm just renting an apratment there for a month, to see how it goes.

If all goes well, I plan to buy a property there.
With what monies? I don't know yet, I'm currently in debt, so not much spare monies floating about.

Journalism is going ok, except I don't like the local-stuff. I *was* writing on international issues, and now I have to write about local elections no one in politics is interested in.

In fact, only UKIP were able to speak to me, the rest of the parties either didn't answer the phone, or in the case of the cosnervatives, didn't know how to handle my request - they just patched me through to different departments, told me to call different offices and people, until I got fed up and hung up on them.

 As such, I hope the editor will make the wise choice of allowing me to write a feature on UKIP, and sod-all to the other parties*. I asked UKIP about their:

1) racist links
2) accounting troubles
3) donation scandal

Satisfactory responses to all, though whether or not you choose to believe them is another thing altogether (their defence of number 3 is shaky, but compared to other parties, they've angels in that catagory). This shall be in my article I think the editor will drop. I'm sorely tempted to drop this editor, because it's too local for me. I can't handle it. I don't care about who is going to be on my next local council. I don't care which party is in charge of taking away my rubbish, as long as it's done. I just don't care. Talk about apathy. But I must stick with it, for the experience. No elbow grease = no shine.

My newest article has been sent to the relevant authorites, and if they don't publish it, it shall go into the authorities of another country. If they don't publish it, it shall go into the other editor's webpage. Y'know, the non-local one. Who wants to meet me. Eh. I'm not sure about that, but again, no elbow grease = no shine. Anyway, it's good for social networking in the journalism field, and I can use some of that.

As for the love life, I am currently chasing someone.
This comes amid tutings from various family members who feel I don't do enough, I do too much, or I do everything wrong with the wrong people. Cat also disapproves greatly. She thinks my family place me under to much pressure on this subject (they don't; my mother is dead against this type of talk, my dad has yet to voice an opinion, but has made no efforts to stop me (and he won't. Very accepting, my dad is. Lovely), my siblings don't really know what's going on... and my aunts..well, they're in a class of their own). Cat also thinks I'm abnormal for wanting to meet someone who is looking to settle down. As far as I can tell, she belives I must fall in love with someone I happen upon and if it works well and they're willing, we should get married. Ok, fine. But what, I counter, is wrong with:

1) Looking to meet someone (where the operative word is looking)
2) Who wants to settle down
3) Who wants to settle down with me (that's the love part, by the way. I.e. love is a prerequisite for this stage). Obviously I'm not suggesting I find the first girl who's willing to look at me, ask her if she wants a family some time and if she wants to tie the knot with me).

In short, the debate appears to be, is there such a thing as "looking for love?"
I think yes. I think my way is a lot better than meeting someone who you really like and invest a lot of emotion in, only to find that they never want to get married. Relationships, for me, must necessarily lead somewhere. To me, therefore, Cat's way is completely unacceptable :p

Cat also thinks I place too much emphasis on marriage. But I don't think so - family life is just one aspect of life which is important for my overall goal of living a happy, successful, fulfilling life. The others include my job, education and spiritual stuff. Financial security is lovely too. Would like to see some of that, and that shall come, God willing, in its time. But that's a subcatagory of job.

Anyway. I doth ramble too much.

I like to think I take a realistic view on life. I am a realist, if you will. Not a cynic. Not even a pessimist. A realist. For my definitions of those things, see here.

Now I must go do some university revision! bye bye!

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*This, this post, or my blog in general in no way represents my political views unless specifically stated otherwise, in writing, to the named recipient of the letter. Am I covered? I think so. Good. Oh. Also...The laws governing this blog shall be governed by the laws of The Republic of Deejio. Thanks.

So, this months (so far) terrible, perverted, disgusting, and sometimes funny google searches, which brought people who thought they were going to find a perverted website, right to my very own blog. I thank you all, for coming here.

For comedy purposes, I've decided to take one search phrase from the searches people make, and write about it on my blog once a week. I shall keep it clean, however - not like you lot.

So university is upon me! Not only is it upon me, it has completely engulfed me in its flames of overbearing work. I try not to let that get to me and studiously ignore all work to be done - hence the new post!

In the previous post, you may have gathered that I believe people should make the best of their lives, that though it is hard the rewards are immense and that if you don't take control of your life, someone else will do it for you - better to expend the effort and reap the rewards, than to expend the efforts because someone told you to and not reap the rewards. There was an interesting discussion about the interpretation of a quote Ant stuck in. There was thinking, people, there was thinking! How times upon my blog have changed.

Previously, I would be posting things with aliterated titles, talking about my friends, my various crushes (that looked like a flipping good blog, it had graphs in it and everything - very scientific of me) perhaps even a little about an actual love life - and occassionally, all of them together. Even more occassionally, we'd have a funny, inspired blog.

But not today, dear readers!
No. No more funny or inspired blogs. No more blogs about girls. No more blogs about friends, or love, or relationships, or "problems in the bedroom." And certainly not anymore blogs about girls, especially whom I have/had/ a crush on.

Meh. Who am I kidding? Back to the girls!

This blog is actually here to appease Ant, who previously voiced an interest in my love-life, so he could laugh more. "What?" I thought "debase myself on my very own blog for everyone else's amusement?! Sounds like fun to me!" And so here I am.

Seriously though.

Marriage in a nutshell:
Much to the horror of Cat, people within my community get married young. Many of my friends are already married. People who are friends of friends are already married. Some of those people got married when they were 20. Others at 19. And one pair got married at the freaky age of 16 (they're both very bright people. Their kids'll be smart....). Every so often, we hear of people getting married at "normal" ages - 25 and over.

Touching in a nutshell:
Much to the horror of Arty, I recently refused to allow her to hug me when we meet. This is not because Arty is Arty, it is not because I am me - neither is it becaues Arty is my arch nemesis in the race to world domination. This is because of a very old rule (ancient, in fact - and no, it doesn't need updating, human nature is exactly as it is now as it was then) which does not allow physical contact with non-related members of the opposite sex before marriage. And you thought no sex before marriage was hard? Ha-ha. What's the reason? Manifold (a very touching account of a religious Jewish girl and her run-ins with this rule. She is actually the basis for some anthropology papers I want to write over the summer - she's agreed and everything). It's a very personal rule and the reasons are therefore personal. It's part of a complete life-philosophy and cannot simply be compartmentalised as I'm trying to do. It's about protecting feelings and making things special. I keep to it because I want to, because I agree with it and because I like it. I also hate it, but that merely reinforces - to me - the need for it. I believe I am a better person because of it, than I would have been without it. This rule over here is one of the many reasons why people in my community get married early. In short, the cumulation of Jewish laws means that: people will get married young (hopefully. this is encouraged, we don't want people to go crazy), have a very passionate relationship (the stuff you've probably read about in the OT about women and being impure every month? This has the effect of not decreasing passion over a long period of time which is marriage (hopefully) - not being able to touch your wife or husband for a while every month is annoying and serves to - hopefully - recreate the passion afterwards. I'm not saying that this is the actual reason for that rule, just that this is it's effect) in which both parties will be both emotionally and sexually fulfilled (by the by, we recognise rape within marriage - but also condemn purposefully witholding sex from your partner, especially the male witholding it from his wife). Any questions? Use the comments! Or IM me.

AG in a nutshell:
There exists A Girl in whom I was interested (what does "interested" mean in light of the above? Less physical touching generally means more emotional connecting. She's a lovely, lovely girl. Pretty too. In fact, she's a walking template of what I think the Perfect Girl(TM) is). She's in England and currently studying in college, though she is very unhappy here and won't be returning after the year is out. After she went back home, she also eventually suggested we stop contacting each other about a month ago in private forums (e-mail). We have stopped - but all that's happened is, the private forum has changed to another sort of private forum.

The fact of the matter is, I didn't think she was a viable option for me (for reasons not going to be expounded upon, ever. It scares me too much). I have since awoken from my stupidity - and shot at least some of my credibility with her mummy - and shall go after her. Even after this, there exists a few problems:

1) She wants me to go out with her friend (everyone* wants me to go out with their friends, but never them! Why is that?) - and I said ok (but not for a few months. She's booked in late in my dating diary, hehe).
2) She has a crush on someone else.
3) I don't understand what she sees in him, he's horrible to her. But girls will be girls, and I have never tried to dissuade this crush - that would be too mean. I honestly never thought this fellow to be a nice guy, wanted to tell her so, but did not, lest I do so out of ulterior motives. To do so through a possible ulterior motive would be manipulative, it would be mean and it would be wrong. So I remained silent on the matter. The third problem, it appears, are my own moral standards. I think it would be wrong, to remain on a high standard and let someone fall into misery - but it's just a crush, not a relationship - so why not let her enjoy it? What if it develops more? What if she resents me for saying he's not a nice guy? What if she resents later if it does develop and I didn't? Tis a puzzle to me.

But I think there are many reasons why not to do any given thing - much like my post yesterday - and I think I should go after her. When I accepted to go out with her friend, I was sure I was over her. I just have a knack of falling back into a crush over the same people. Plus, she regards me as "a friend" - so we see each other every so often and I spend significant amounts of time with her. Personally, I think we're great with each other. I was reading back over some of our e-mails - and we're every bit as great as I first thought :p

We even swapped checklists (so to speak) for what we look for in people, and as far as I can tell, I fit it all - I'm tall, I understand her, care about her, have a dimple (yes, that's on the list), she laughs at my jokes, says i'm a good guy and smart, all of which are on the list...

*sigh*

I won't see her for ages (though I have all her numbers, I can't call her up, for various reasons I won't go into). Then if I don't say anything, i'll never see her again...**   ~*shudders*~
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The pressure to regard my second cousin as marriage material is off. I have successfully talked everyone out of it. It has been replaced by a new pressure: to find someone who's at leats 6 years younger than myself. I don't understand it. WHY? I think I prefered the second cousin pressure, at least she's of marriageable age.

Talking about under age, this is a conversation recently had on a train, in English, Hebrew and Persian:

Random man: I see you're making yourself at home!
Me: Harrrrr. I'm tired...
Random man: it's ok, it's good...
Aunt 2: Where are you from?
Random man: Iran.
Aunt: *persian stuff I didn't understand*
Random man: *more persian stuff I didnt understand* He turns his back to us most of the journey, but stares at me every so often.
Aunt: *whispers* he wanted you for his daughter. He thought you were 16. She's 13. He was upset I told him no...should I have said yes?

Goodness gracious! The importance of learning Persian has never been so apparant. What if she'd said "yes" - I could have been carted away, knocked out and forcibly married to his daughter!

There was this other girl with a nice London accent who someone wanted to introduce to me, but I was too busy doing something else. Oops.

There's also a girl in uni who I suspect likes me.... she lives on my road too. I'm meeting her later tonight to revise for exams and suff. Well, just to revise for exams, no "and stuff." According to her mother, she thinks an awful lot of me. Poor girl. One of you will have to contact her and set her straight. I'm thinking Cat will do a good job.

Other stuff in life:
I'm still writing for the z-list journalist, who wants to meet with me at some point.

I'm currently making 5 pitches (ideas for a story) to another editor. That's right, i'm now a two-timing freelance journalist, all expenses paid!

I've also applied for a job to The Guardian newspaper (a real paper!), as a nightshift uploader. They tried to make it sound really cool and journalistic, but I know it isn't. It's uploading webpages - at night - which is a bummer. But it pays actual cash, and I get to put "online journalism" and "The Guardian and Observer" on my CV. Lovely.

I'm waiting to hear back from The Economist, Times, Independent and Guardian (yes, quite a mix) to see if they'll publish an article I sent them yesterday.

Anyway, gotta rush!

* 2 girls in the past 3 months.
** Unless I go to America.

Warning: this post is of a philosophical nature.
It then digresses into a sentimental nature. If you do not wish to think, or think of sentiment as a negative thing (i.e. you're a traditional Brit/German/European generally), look away now.
* * *

People believe that dreamers are scatter-brains. They don't know up from down, or down from up.
I say: what a complete load of rubbish. The people who come out with statements such as those are probably those who wish to manipulate certain individuals into doing their will (an employer to an employee who wishes to start out on his own, or someone in a sector who wishes to discourage others from attaining the rewards of working in that sector). I believe that it is those with dreams who make history - be it international, national or local, it matters not. Karl Marx was a dreamer, he dreamed of a communist state which would come about through revolution and then a communist world, which would come about through the same revolution. Two of the largest and arguably greatest countries in the world were/are communist (Russia and China, in case there's any doubt) whilst communism remains strong in many parts of South America and south-east Asia. Nelson Mandela was a dreamer. Churchill was a dreamer in many senses of the word. Martin Luther King Jr. was another dreamer; he himself stated that "I have a dream," some of the most famous words in the recent history of the world.

Were these men scatter-brains? Were they merely fools swimming against the tide? In their own times, before their ideas were accepted, mostly yes. But there is no decent person alive today who will say that those men did unremarkable things - and you don't have to be a Communist to appreciate that Karl Marx did indeed move mountains with his work. The reason why these men are famous today, is not because they were so remarkable themselves - nor that their philosophies were particularly astute - why shouldn't all have the same rights regardless of their skin colour? - but because they dared to chase their dreams. They dared to swim against the tide of society, to bring their dreams to relity, to put a marker in the ground and say "I believe this is wrong and I believe this is right and I shall change the world - and in my view, make it a better place because of that change." As I recently read in an e-mail, today's great oaks are merely yesterday's nuts who held their ground.

No one will remember the likes of Tony Blair or George Bush, for either the good or the bad that they have done for their countries - no matter how much they want to make their mark - for they are not dreamers (arguably not leaders either), they are merely heads of state. They may have done or said things which will be remembered for a while, but nothing which will make them as famous as Churchill, as hated and loved as Thatcher, as remarkable as the American founding fathers or as influential as the Communist group. They shall simply live out their unremarkable tenure before fading into the black backdrop of time into obscurity, before being forgotten so completely, no one shall even remember their names (much like John Major or Zachary Taylor/Millard Fillmore - the only remarkable things about the two, is that Taylor died of gastroenteritis and Fillmore was the second person to attain the Presidency due to the President's death).
It is easy, in my view, to apply this to your own life. Dreams are there to be fulfilled, not something abstract and far removed. Life is merely a bad game in which you must roll your own dice, or have them rolled for you. I recently watched a statement given to the UN during one of its meetings, by the end I was actually laughing. Is that life? Is that it? Is that the big world of international politics? If so, it is no more profound or advanced than student politics in many colleges or universities. I used to be unimpressed with those parents whom I regarded as "grown up children" - but came to realise that everyone will always be a child and if they ever grow into the steryotypical adult, they take themselves far too seriously, are far too cynical and should certainly let their hair down once in a while. Nelson Mandela, now in his 90's, has a sense of humor (recently seen in his reply to whether or not it was racist for a local British politician to dress up and "black up" as him (Mandela) for a fancy dress party. His response was "I don't think there was any racist intent, but I don't think much of the shirt he chose to wear!"). Karl Marx also had a sense of humour, his wit is evidenced in his work. John Major did not have a sense of humor. In fact, he was called "The Grey Man" for that reason.
Society, it seems, values thinking outside the box, but doesn't want anyone to actually think outside of it.
As for me, I encourage that at all times (though remain conservative on things I regard as established, such as the law of gravity, or which I regard as mundane, such as physics and maths).

As for me, I have a dream. I have many dreams, in fact - the latest was quite exciting and interesting, and I do wish to pick up the story where I left off when I awoke this morning - but really...Dreams. We have opportunities to grab which will make our dreams reality. We have the time in which to do so. One shouldn't do so in order to "be famous" - much like I believe Blair and Bush are doing - but to create a future for themselves in which they will be happy, just as Marx, Luther King, Mandela and Gandhi did. Take the moment by the horns. Grab a single opportunity out the millions thrown at us each week. If you don't have millions, then go out and make them for yourself, or at least position yourself to be able to accept them: staying in your room all day is not the way to live (unless you're a student).

My own dreams are very simple. I merely wish to live a happy life. For me, that includes a family, some job which I actually enjoy and some financial security. I do not particularly love law, but if forced to practise it for the rest of my life, I don't wish to be one of those people who view it as merely a means to an end. Instead, I will come to like it. How can I be sure? It is an assumption, but one based on my personality and the facts that I don't hate it and actually do enjoy some aspects of it. The details of my life plan aren't for this blog.

But what of Israel?
As you may have read previously, I rushed to Israel to be with my family during a troubling time for them. They greatly appreciated the visit. They even gave me a hanger I had left their accidentally last year (naturally, I told them to keep it. "Will you collect it on your next visit?" they asked. Naturally, I said "yes, next time I come it will be to collect my hanger and not to visit any of you") when visiting.

But how goes this side of my family?
They are, of course, my second cousins/first cousins once removed. For those of you who do not know what that means: my mother's first cousin (first cousin once removed) and their children (second cousins). That is, my grandfather's brother's children and grandchildren. Or, to state it another way, my cousins. I like to leave out the official titles, it makes it seem so distant. Even my cousin's cousin's are my cousins (though, of course, no relation to me). My uncle's wife's sister is not a stranger, but my aunt (in-law. Who, by the way, is younger than me, which is funny. One of my second cousins delights in being younger than me, and believes she is on the same generation level as my aunts).
But I digress.

I really like my family and am really close with all of them. And no arty, I'm not Spanish :p
Quick note: my grandfather on my mother's side...well, I think he's a lot like a mafia boss. He smokes a pipe, wears mafia-like clothes straight of 1950's gang-movies, and has a high-back swivel chair. He also conducts any proceedings at family gatherings. We have a family meeting in his house weekly, and that simply highlights the mafianess of everything. On my father's side, he actually was involved in mafia-esque things years ago, fighting the blackshirts (British Nazis) in England. He is a delightful fellow and very outgoing.

More on this later. For now, I have to tease Arty, Cat and Helen on MSN before checking my email and going to bed. Bye!

University is almost upon me! I go back on Monday, which means pretty soon we'll be back to the usual stuff of boring law lectures and scary anthropology ones. Most of my friends in colleges in England have already gone back, especially if they're in another city (which they all are, I'm the only person from my highschool to be in London. That counts for my grade, the one below and the one above me. Scary, isn't it? I know hardly anyone in London again).

Some of you may remember my aunt from earlier this year. She is aunt 2 in the previous post. She is the same one who, a few months ago, invited me to go to Umman the next day. At the time, I said no.

Well, Aunt 2 strikes again!
Today at about lunch-time, she asks me if I want to go to Israel tonight. I repeat. The same day. 
Umman is in my opinion, a terrible, godforsaken place, and when she asked me to go, it was in winter - lovely and cold! Israel is hardly cold, neither is it too boiling hot this time of year. Plus, I love going to Israel. Plus, many of my friends will be there. How on earth could I say no? I couldn't say yes either, though. I have responsibilities! People need me! I have to finish my two university essays!

Ah, well. Screw all that! I'm going to Israel! I leave on the 18th at 12:00pm. I fly via Athens (lovely! First time I would have been there) and fly back via Athens (second time I would have been there!) on the 22nd, arriving at the airport at 9:10pm. Just in time to get back home at 11:00pm and sleep - to be ready for a hard day at university.
I'm really excited. In fact, I can't wait. Literally.

The purpose of my going to Israel is somewhat unfortunate. My great aunt (pbuh), passed away about a month ago. Thursday will be the 30th day, upon which the second stage of mourning is completed in Jewish custom. It is therefore a very sad time. The whole family is taking it pretty hard, especially her children and grandchildren. I remember when my own grandmother (pbuh) passed away a few years back from cancer. I was 16 at the time, my family was devasted. I miss her, sometimes I have dreams about her, which is interesting. In the morning I wake up and realise she's actually gone, that I never saw or spoke to her because she isn't alive anymore, and she won't be coming back. With this realisationg, I suddenly get a deep seated feeling of emptiness within me - that's the best I can describe it.

As I said at the time, death comes to all but life goes on - and it is up to the living to remember the dead.

So today I had some interesting conversations. First, I reminded my mother once again that I may be moving countries in a few years. I like to tell her every so often to get her used to the idea, so she doesn't freak out too much when it actually happens - soften the blow, so to speak. Once again, I reminded her of the reasons I'm choosing to move (I'm quite patriotic so I'll put this in the best terms): a system which is falling apart (infrastructure, security, health service)and which is sorely lacking in strong, decisive leadership (see that politics post for details). An overpriced economy (everything's real expensive) with decreased spending power (you spend $100 on groceries) high tax, low wages - all of which means lower standards of living. There are two countries I plan to possibly move to, one is opposite of all this (besides healthcare, which is pretty much the same, but not quite as bad as here yet) whilst the other is worse in all cases, except healthcare and the cost of living (as there's less money).

I shan't tell you what these countries are, because I don't want to. No particular reason, just don't wish to share it.

The other conversation I had was about marriage.
Some of you may know that I absolutely forbid any members of my family to talk to me about this subject, especially if they "have someone to suggest." Harsh? Oh no. Necessary. Let's take a trip to memory lane and see just why I have this policy:

Aunt: I have someone for you. She's a really, really nice girl.
Me: *sceptical* yeah?
Aunt: Yes. She's Indian.
Me: Ok...what's her name?
Aunt: [name inserted here]
Me: Never heard of her before. How old is she?
Aunt: 12.

Aunt 2: I think you should marry such-and-such. She's a really nice girl.
Me: We're related.
Aunt 2: She's very sweet and very pretty.
Me: We're not that close anyway....(I was, of course, joking)

*a little later*
Aunt 2: Ok, so how about so-and-so?
Me: Um... that'd be weird.
Aunt 2: She likes you.
Me: And that disturbs me.
Aunt 2: Ok, so what sort of person do you want to marry?
Me: Someone who isn't already in my family?
Aunt 2: She isn't in your family.
Me: meh.

Mother: *jokingly* If I had it my way, you're not getting married until you're 30.
Me: Mum, you were 17. Much younger than me.
Mother: It's different for girls.
Me: Ok...Dad was 20. Still younger than me.

So you see? Necessary.
Of course, the reasons why they suggest people who are not yet legal in any western country, is twofold:

1) They were born and raised in a culture and society where that sort of thing is acceptable (and indeed happens. That culture is the Persian/Arab one: I have Iranian and Iraqi roots, don't you know? Also Polish roots, but I don't know anything about that).
2) Actually, I'm not going to say this reason, and i'll just leave you with the above. Simply because you don't need to know!

But why all this suggestion? Is it an arranged marriage thing? No. Don't be ridiculous.
So why don't I just go out into the world and meet someone I like, fall in love, etc?

If you're asking that question, you probably think I'm the sort of person who walks into lampposts and apologises. Well, I'm not. Really. And anyway, what do you suppose I've been doing until now? Getting rejected, of course! Sheesh. Have you not read my blog before?

Quite simply, If a friend of mine thinks I'll get along with someone, I won't ever say no. I prefer to reserve judgement until after having met the person. For this reason, I have, scheduled in my dating-diary, a date for either 3 months time, or 12 months time (I'm still deciding). See? I can plan long-term, dammit.

As for finances, I am but a poor student. So how do I propose to fund things like shelter, food and other little things like that? My main plan is to actually live in a forest and live on sludge from under rocks (as mentioned in my first ever post on this very website!). Failing that, my back-up plan is to graduate, get a job in a law firm and with my ill-gotten gains from there, fund my life that way. Time scale? Oh please. You can't time these things! (We're looking at 2 years 3 months here, give or take a day. And yes, I only said that to freak you out. And yes, I most certainly am talkin' to you - who d'you think you are, Robert De Nero?).

Anyway. I must get back to doing something else. I'm not quite sure what else, but there we are.

What a delightful evening!
In my last post, I moaned about having friends who bore me completely. This time, I was out with friends who know what to do with a car, their youthful years and their parent's hard earned cash (of course, for me, I have my own cash, courtesy of the Labour Government (TM) and Student Loans Company [if the conservatives were in power, I wouldn't have to pay for my university education! Hmph!).

So today we played snooker. This was perhaps the most seedy place we could find, the American Contingent (TM) with us (yes, I know lots and lots of American peoples. Despite them being traitors to the crown) kept saying stuff like "dude, walkin' down a street like this in Noo Yawk...askin' for trouble." According to him, every American is either as muscular as schwarzenegger at his peak, or the same weight as a small whale. Oh, and everyone carries around machine guns and a few grenades, and you're lucky if you haven't had a gun pulled on you by lunch. I felt like asking him how many times he's had a gun pulled on him, but didn't feel it would be good for Anglo-American relations.

The reason why "smoke" is mentioned in the title is so I can say this: the snooker place was very smoky. In fact, it was pretty much like a foggy eve in the Dorset moors.

Afterwards, we went to a charming cafe at about 1:00am to have a small meal and chat, where I met a few other people I know. How lovely. Ironically, I was driving (no, that's not the bad part, wait for it...) and we were supposed to be headed to central london. I, of course, with little sense of direction was headed - quite literally - in the opposite direction (theeeeeeeeere it is!). I wanted to go south eastish and ended up going north westish. Obviously, I had no clue where I was going, I was just driving the car around.

No matter! Central London is lovely, but not lovely enough for me to visit it 3 or 4 times in about 30 days after 12:00am (no congestion charge! HA HA, KEN LIVINGSTONE).

 In more fun news:

My most favourite cousin continues to be my most favourite cousin. She's barely 2 years of age, ginger hair, pudgy cheeks, big eyes...so cute!

Anyway. On to more manly things.
I'm growing a beardy-moustache.

Comments so far:
1) It suits you!
2) You look like an actor (I don't know what that means, but whatever)
3) You look like a Mexican! (had that TWICE, so must be true. Though come to think of it, I'm not sure I know what that's supposed to mean - maybe that I'd get kicked out of the US, or can expect the Americans to annex my land)
4) Oh my Gosh! Do you know you're growing a beard? (I'm not so clueless that I don't realise when I have growths coming out of my face, thank-you-very-much. But 10 points for observation skills to that lucky punter!)
5) Shave. Now.
6) You look ugly (said by my darling sister)

Other weird convos:
Me: Have a good evening!
Father of very beautiful girls: Thank you. Same to you. The first thing I check is that your shirt's tucked in. The next thing I check, is that your flies are done up.
Me: Err. How do I score?
FoVBG: One. Maybe.
(For the record, my shirt WAS tucked in and my flies WERE done up. Pfft. Obviously. And yes, it's a weird convo, and no, there was no conversation before or after that. I just take weirdness in my stride. He's a nice guy though).

Interesting note: I saw a fox on my street today (a fox! In London!) and I saw something disgusting on the road. I slowed to see what it was; it looked about the size of a cat, but with no head and what looked like sinews and blood coming out of the neck. It was covered in fur, so it may have actually been a cat. I wonder if the fox killed it, the two were very close together. I didn't notice any tire marks...
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Responses:

Vindy and Benny: You could have just e-mailed me for the password you know!

Vindy: I miss the potnoodle clique. Potnoodle was the inspiration for my getting a blog in the first place. It was a sad day for the blogging world to see him go. He hasn't posted any more stuff on his other blog since october 2006. You must pester him to post more. Where's Shan?! She changed her blog site every two weeks and I lost track of her. Where are the other United Arab Emirates girls? Huh? HUH?

Helen: I'm too busy to blog. Whenever I have time, it's when I should be sleeping, which is why I come out with posts like these.

Ant: I'm considering standing as a Loony candidate for my local elections. You should too - it doesn't cost you anything and you're bound to get SOME votes. In any event, you'll get some local media publicity and everyone will laugh at you for a while. How lovely.

Arty, the moth has been silenced. I made sure of that when I squashed it. As for the moose, I know no meese. Unless you have meeses following me around... (which do you prefer as the plural of moose? Meese or meeses (don't say moose, you'll lose points if you do)?)

That's right, I'm back. Alliteration and all.

I decided it was high time to remove the password from the blog and once more give the masses unfettered access to my mind. The masses being you, Cat, and you, Arty.

So, just what am I thinking these days?

Politics. My old favourite. For those of you who aren’t into politics, don’t ever get into it. It’s all a lying, cheating, generally “deceive-everyone-to-win” type of game. Allow me to give you a quick run-down of English politics for those who aren’t too familiar with it...

Labour: currently in power, these are the people who prove themselves to be incapable of not messing up the country. You don’t vote for them unless you’re...no, you just don’t vote for them. Their party colour is red, and they are self-professed leftists (but in reality, is no more left than the Queen herself).

Special Power: Spin! They can spin three times the amount a silk worm can.

Good Policies: Tony Blair giving up the post of Prime Minister.

Crap policies: Letting Gordon Brown take over.

Conservatives: these are the people who still wish that most of the map was coloured Imperial red. Yearning for the days of the British Empire and absolute monarchy, they can be easily identified in casual parties as those people who don’t feel overdressed in a shirt, jacket and tie, and who discuss whether or not the queen could theoretically re-take her power from central government. They use words like “colonies,” and “commonwealth” in their proper contexts. Yes, they are the right.

Special Power: Impeccable speech and upper-class British accent.

Good Policies: Rejecting the EU and Euro.

Crap Policies: Privatisation of absolutely anything they can privatise.

Lib-Dems: this party exists solely for those people who don’t know who else to vote for. Filled with policies they seem to have stolen from the trash cans of the labour and conservative parties, if this group of people ever get into power (not likely) the country will most likely explode outwards, it’s population flying off to all sorts of places, like we’ve seen in the past. These are the centrists/moderates. Allegedly.

Special Power: The ability to move from the left to the right of the political spectrum and back again in the blink of an eye.

Good policies: N/A

Crap policies: Everything. For an example, take their pride and joy policy: tax the rich people considerably more than they are being taxed at the moment, and lower tax for everyone else. This policy was tried once before, the effect was to drive away said rich people until Britain had no more rich people. Where did they go? Where all British people go to escape from other British people: America .

Green-party: love trees? Sandals? Never want to cut your hair? This party is for you.

Special Power: Weed.

Good policies: environmental stuff.
Crap policies: Too political to mention. So I shan’t.

Monster Raving-Looney Party: For those who don’t want to vote without actually not voting. This is the perfect way in which to exercise your democratic right and make absolutely no difference whatsoever.

Special Power: Laughter.

Good policies: Minting of the 99 pence coin. In this way, you could actually pay 1.99 for something, and not 2.00 of your currency. This would not only give the payer great satisfaction, but would remove those unsightly, useless one penny coins you get as change, which would be gradually phased out. Absolute genius, if you ask me.

Crap policies: Everything else.

BNP: Nicknamed the British Nazi Party, the Nationalists are the far right. Yes, even further right than the conservatives, who want the British Empire back. These people are racist &^%**%$ and should be avoided at all costs.

Special Power: Getting anti-racism laws enacted because of their conduct.

Good policies: Anything stolen from the Conservative party.

Crap policies: Anything stolen from Mein Kampf.

UKIP: If you don’t want to vote conservative, and realise that the BNP is not a viable option, this party is for you. However, their name is tarnished through BNP links to their party. Fascist connections in a democratic system aren’t good for popularity.

Special Power: Unknown. Proceed with caution.

Good policies: Nuclear energy, enforcing borders, improving transport system and Health Service.

Crap policies: Nothing, really. They’re just an untried, slightly fascist party and unlikely to get in for both those reasons.

What’s my political stance, then? I have recently changed my political affiliation from “Conservative” to “Moderate.” This does not mean I shall be voting for the Lib. Dems, neither does it mean I shan’t necessarily be voting Conservative next election. It means there’s nowhere for me to go. I am a swing voter. The only way you can win us swing voters is by giving us cash, or by having enough common sense to make common-sense policies. That’s all we want. Sense for everyone.

In a nutshell:

Going to friends. I dislike most of them. They aren’t really my friends, they’re just people I know. They’re such delicate – and above all – BORING souls. Their idea of fun consists of sitting in the same room as another life form, be it plant or insect. If it happens to take human form, that’s all the better, but if you were to suddenly be replaced with a plant pot right in front of their eyes, they wouldn’t bat an eye-lid. Those of them I do like more, have slightly more personality, but not much more. Consequently, I don’t like those ones much more than the other ones. If you follow.

All of them are simple, uncomplicated people. My family thinks they’re all religious nits (they are) but then again, my family thinks I’m a religious nit (which I am, I just have a sense of humour). These friends have been described by some (AG) as “total losers. No offence or anything.”

The one person who is remotely exciting I no longer speak to, and he’s only exciting because I’m not speaking to him. When we were speaking, he proved himself to be a complete and total “%%$£*^ and I pity the fools™ who are still friends with him.

Back to the world and stuff. Quite frankly, I laugh at it. For oh so many reasons. Youthful invulnerability? Maybe. But I believe it comes down to this: you just have to pick up the dice and roll, not being disappointed if you don’t get a double 6 first time.