Picture Perfect

I've written essays for ages, and can't be bothered to write another here. This is a plan of what the blog would have said, could I be bothered to sit here and type it:

1. I don't think Cat's gay, but I do think she could benefit from a fortnight-stand with the girl I have picked out for her.... You can go both ways at the same time, Cat ;-)
2. Cat has an uncanny ability to turn people (usually who she's never met and I just about know) against me. She just says "don't listen to him, he's evil" several times sporadically, and lo and behold, before I know it, I'm trading insults with five people at once, Cat at the fore, waving the banners of socialism and anti-Deejness. I resent her for this ability. For this reason, I no longer add Cat into the same conversation as Arty and Helen. That's right, it's become a conscious choice on my part!
3. Benny, I am in no way going to encourage ScaryGirl by asking for her number! Find your own scary girl! I also have no idea what a squidgie is. A quick google search tells me it's an arobics ball. I have no idea what a woman (or anyone else, really) would do with a mop and a squidgie (besides do arobics and mop the floor), so the joke (something tells me I should hope it is a joke) is completely lost on me!
4. Arty and Matt are coming to visit me soon. Woo!
5. AG is also coming to visit soon. Woo! She's one of the coolest girls alive. Without a doubt.
6. I'm going to be working for a journalist firm (I hope) soon. Woo!
7. Today, I sat my last exam. Yes...you guessed it...Woo! I don't think I did amazingly on this one, in fact, I'm fairly confident it's my worst exam. This may be because I only really did revision last night and this morning. OH well. Still, I think I passed, which means I won't have to retake it. Woo!
8. I'm going to schweissland soon. I don't know when...I don't know where...but soon. With highschool folk.
9. I'm going to live in Israel for a while. About 1.5 months, in September. Now that my exams are over, I can work on renting a flat there.
10. I hope (hope and pray) I'll be meeting AG's friend again before I move. Something tells me I won't :-(
11. I had the coolest invidulator today. He kept telling jokes before the exam started. It was brilliant. I usually hate those five minutes of waiting-time before the exam starts, where you're under exam conditions, but can't actually start the exam. You just think to yourself "oh, crap, I'm screwed. And as we sit here, I'm forgetting more and more material. Will I ever get out alive?!" And other such thoughts, the silence and inactivity mocking you.
12. I've decided I'm going to be the biggest, best nerd this coming university year. All I shall do is study. No fun. Ever (ok, not quite so dramatic as that, but y'know, I'll make more effort and stuff to get topics down to pat).The experience of intensive revision did not go down well with me this year, and uni gets harder as you go along, so I'm told (and I don't doubt it).
13. I was invited by the committe in university to take up a position as politics officer on the Jewish Society committee. I didn't even submit my name for a position! They thought I'd done a good job in student politics this year, and several were keen to have me on board for the coming year. As I am forever complaining about how the political leaders of my community don't do enough to voice our concerns on things, this comes as a welcome opportunity to make those voices heard, albeit to a smaller "general community" (that being the student population of London). There is no doubt that this is an important job (i.e. arguing with students) as they are essentially the next generation of great minds in economics, politics, journalism and other such related subjects. I'll be responsible for things like official society responses and organising campaigns and events. I feel confident there shall be many to come this year. To that end, I'm meeting with several people over the weekend to see what can be done in this area.
14. I am more relaxed than I was when I started this. Woo!

That's all, folks! Now, I must go eat! I haven't eaten all day. Couldn't eat before the exam (a mistake) and am now starving.

No, not a slightly adapted song by Elvis or the Beatles. Though it could be and you'd be excused for thinking I'd paste the lyrics of the greatest band (yeah, they beat queen. So they have bohemian rhapsody and a few others. I could manage without them) and that of the greatest singer on here.

But no!
I refer to the comment arty made once and makes every so often; that I "surround myself with lovely girls" and "I have a lot of girls in my life." I asked Cat about it last night and she agrees. Whilst it may be true that I do that, it's just how things worked out...it wasn't conscious or anything. At the moment, I know precious few males in London. That's because they're all elsewhere. But anyway, this blog is not about me and it's not about male friends. It's about the girls in my life I see from day to day...

This doesn't include the lovely people I speak to on MSN, or who comment on my blog, as you all know each other anyway. Instead, as I say, it's the people I see day to day.

Mini-Arty: I decided to get this one over and done with first. This girl looks exactly like Arty. If I didn't know any better, I'd say they were family. Maybe they are long-lost family. They're freakishly simlar, but I imagine Arty to be taller. Bigger. Better. Stronger. lol. Anyway, I don't like this one much. I feel she uses me for work-related matters and throws me aaway when she's finished, only to pick me back up when needed again. But that's ok! I know how not to be used and how to get stuff out of her too. But I don't hang out with her and she's not my friend. Just someone I know and grudgingly compare notes with on occassion.

LectureGirl: She's really sweet. We go from lecture to lecture with each other and do hang out from time to time, for lunch, or coffee or going into central London.

HabbsGirl: Someone from Haberdashers Askes. Also a nice girl. Smart. See her around lectures from time to time and see how she's getting on. I helped with distributing her campaign leaflets once. Vague plans to meet up somewhere after exams.

SG: Smelly Girl. So called, because she smells nice. It's just the smell of her house. It's a nice one. Anyway, she gets my jokes and laughs, and doesn't take me seriously when I'm not being serious, which is very good. Bright and studious, but not overly studious. I usually travel home with her. I also tend to revise with her, and sometimes have lunch with her in uni.

DutchGirl: This is the girl I want to introduce Cat to. I think they'd get on juuuuust great ;-)
As it is, I usually sit with her in half my lectures. Don't really hang out with her, though I had coffee with her once.

Those are generally the girls I hang out with in uni each day. I do see others, but on a lesser scale. The ones that stand out (I can't write up a little bio about ALL the girls I know, surprisingly, it'd take too long....)

ScaryGirl: I'm terrified of her. She keeps smiling oddly at me on the few occassions i do see her. I think she has a thing for me, but I don't want to ever, ever find out if that's true.

SmartGirl: She heard I'm a genius and told me so in a crowded lift one day, filled with all the other girls. Apparantly, I'm being gossiped about! Girls will be girls, eh. I told her I wouldn't deny it, that it's nice to hear that, and she can tell me that anytime she likes. Everyone in the lift laughed and there was gaity in the air once more... I was a little surprised at the comment though. Anyway, she's very smart herself. And talks a lot.

LawGirl: So called, because she's in the law department. She's very pretty, ambitious and has brains to go with it. She's annoyingly ambitious, in fact. She's studious too. I don't really hang out with her, but we talk from time to time. We do share political interests though.

ClassGirl: She's a nice girl. I talk to her on MSN from time to time, we sit next to each other in one class. She's straight with people, which is refreshing, and not nerdy-studious, which is also refreshing.

Other girls: 

AG: Ahh, AG. Famous AG. No introductions needed, I think.
AGF: AGs' Friend. Who I met today, actually. I didn't drool, but had I done so, you'd have excused me right away. This is the only person of the female type here who I shall not describe as a girl, as it is not apt at all. Despite being younger than some of the girls mentioned here, she is, by all means, a woman. She has none of the girly-shyness, is amazingly confident and knows exactly what she wants and where to go to get it. Naturally, that may not include me and I don't think it does. She's charismatic and sweet, and she's been described to me as fun and spontaneous, which is good.

I wouldn't describe her as a head-turner, it wouldn't be fair: she's drop-dead, devestatingly, gorgeously beautiful. So she's more a "stare and drool" type. She smelled nice too. When talking to her, something happened that has never happened to me before, ever: I mixed my words! That's right. Y'know, how on sit-coms you see the goofy guy speaking to a wonderfully attractive lady saying stuff like "I think that's breast. BEST! I mean I think that's best!" to the general amusement of the unknown audience or rent-a-laugh dubbing? Well, that was me today! lol. Except, thank goodness, I didn't say anything like that. I just said "Take well. I mean, take care! And be well."

Although I'm cautious when girls tell me "oh, I know the perfect girl for you! Do you want to meet her?" and was when AG told me about her (when I was over AG and so agreed to meet. Y'know, months ago), I don't believe in rejecting people before I've met them. I always have an open mind and am always pleased to meet new people, even if it doesn't work out. I agreed to date this girl "in a year" (I know, I know. I just have a really big dating schedule, lol. Ok, no, i'm kidding. I had my reasons. As it happens, that rough time-line is the same as hers, and if this girl expressed the minutest interest to date me (even as a favour to please AG :p) I'd jump at the chance. I'd also jump at the chance to date AG, but that avenue isn't working out. I'm constantly petrified of ruining things with her, especially as she's so adament about me meeting someone else. It obviously means she's not interested in me like that, but likes me enough to give me away to her friends. lol.

But once again...if this girl wanted to date me...whoa. I'm there.

Naturally, there are a few others, but if I mentioned everyone, I'd be here for ages - which again, is surprising... I've learnt a lot from writing this post: I know more girls than I thought, lol. Anyway. take care!

There are two things I'd like to tell you all about. The second thing I'd like to tell you, is about mocking. The first thing, is about the word "indubitably."

Ever since I learned the word from a much admired and now-married American girl I once knew (we fell out of touch, really), I have been using it liberally, one may even say lovingly, spreading it over all my work in an effort to make the teacher say "huh? Whassat?" and upon discovering the word does, in fact exist, think "well, he used a word I didn't know, so I have to give him lots and lots of marks for it." Lots and lots of marks my one-word-wonder has gotten, in the form of question marks, squiggly lines under it, circles around it, arrows pointing this way and that way with the general thought of "does this word exist?" Unfortunately, it appears they don't look up the word at all, let alone award me merit, even written acknowledgement like "good use of English," or anything like that. But no. It is not to be.

It was unsurprising, therefore, when my results for one of the essays I wrote came through, and the word had a squiggly line, arrow and a question mark all to itself.

The second topic is mocking mail. There's lots of mail in life: the kind you get through the door, the kind which you have to reply to, or send money to, whitemail, blackmail, wholemail (ok, so I'm working with some people's pronounciation rather than spelling on that one) and mocking mail. And that is precisely what a letter I just opened did to me. That's right, it mocked me. It may as well have sprung to life and commenced to give me lots of papercuts, laughing at me whilst doing so.

I suspected nothing. It was, afterall, a nondescript envelope, posted in London itself, with standard joined-up handwriting in standard black biro, on a standard white-letter. A charity letter? Maybe. Hospital related work? I doubt it. Some-organisation-wants-me-to-do-something? Dear Lord, I hope not.

I pulled out the contents inside and opened it up.
Then it hit me!

Oh, the lovely colours! Oh, the fine, fine letter head! Oh, the embossed wording! Oh, the fancy font! And like an express train hitting a bunny, I realised I was receiving this letter precisely because an organisation didn't want me to do anything for them at all. That's right: even before I read it, I knew it was a rejection letter. Reading it merely confirmed my initial suspicions.

The moral of these two events, is to never use words the teacher won't understand. It doesn't make them feel good. It makes them want to put squiggly lines under it. I suppose I thought that, if my highschool history teacher didn't understand it, my university lecturer would. But it was not to be. The other moral is: mail is never just mail. It is the very fabric of life. I urge you all, dare not blaspheme the holders and deliverers of mail, the Post Office, or do so at your own peril.

Answering Helen's question, I had an exam on Tuesday, which is a day earlier than all others sitting the exam. As such, I had to be guarded by guards, so I would not use any telecommunication device, including internet, and thus speak the secrets the exam paper holds to any soul, dead or alive. No phone, no internet, no computer, no nothing. Just me. And my guard. Who guarded me. For 24 hours.

And today, I had another exam. As usual, I was very scared. I am always scared of exams, and this one was no exception. For example, for the last exam I took, the one where I Was guarded, I was already planning when I would do the re-sit, before I had actually taken the exam. As it turned out, I feel I passed.

This exam was no different. I had done 0 revision, literally, up until yesterday afternoon. This is because I am a lazy. That's right, a lazy. There's no mistake there. As a lazy, it is part of my religious beliefs that should I exert too much effort to accomplish anything whatever, armageddon will come, the world will implode and we'll all die a terrible, terrible death, at the hands of the forces of the evil industriousness (may its name be blotted out from under the skies. Blessed be Procrastination, may its everlasting name live up to its everlasting name and be everlasting, everlastingly). This was compounded by the fact that there were precisely 3 days (for me) between my last exam and this one, where, for various reasons, it was impossible to do any revision during. This was a problem shared by two other peers of mine, who had the same reasons as myself, which we shan't go into here. I learned for about 4 hours yesterday afternoon, I'm unsure what another did and the third revealed to me they'd stayed up all night revising and hadn't slept.

As it was, the exam was good, meaning I think I passed. I learned only the things from one term - Marx, Weber, and Durkheim - as opposed to taking a selection, because I didn't want to submit work for the teacher who gave me a low, low grade in my other assessed work (I learned I actually failed that paper by a full 5%; oh well). As it turned out, this was the correct move. This teacher had been dropping heavy hints ("I advise you all to study xyz for the exams") to every class she taught that a certain topic would be coming up. As it was, it didn't. Lots of people were very upset about that. They'd been learning that topic industriously. That just goes to show once more the evils of industriousness and expectation. I, on the other hand, managed to answer with some competence (I mentioned "Marx," "communists" and "those capitalists" at least once) 3 questions from a choice of 11.

Next...another exam. 4 days time. Lets GOGOGOGOGO (yeah right. THIS may be an exam I fail. The teacher's report in the first term was that I "displayed a complete lack of knowledge of the subject when forced to speak in class." I only have 4 days to revise in! ARGH!).

I've noticed my blog has lapsed into slight rudeness. This shan't happen again, I assure you all. My blog is a family-friendly place, always. I wouldn't want to have to plaster a "rated 18" certificate all over my blog just because of a few words in a single post. Oh no.

But anyway. I'm soooooooo....messed up.... for this coming exam. I fully expect to fail it. But good news! I don't have to resit the year if I do fail it. And even though it'll be discounted, I'll have to re-do it the coming year. Which i'll be fully prepared to do. If I fail another exam (I don't think so though) I'll have to re-do the entire year, in which case i'll just drop out of uni and become a gigolo (so much for the all-family blog).

CRAP. CRAP. ARGH. ARGH.

Now I understand how people comit suicide in their last year of uni exams. Oh, dont get me wrong, they definitely lost sight of their perspective on life, but I can *understand* it. The pressure is amazing! It induces me to not care what I write about on this blog, and that is saying something. Y'know how it feels when you're in a car and it goes down a hill really quickly? It's like that feeling, but all the time. Not pleasureable, no. It's more like...falling off a cliff whilst wearing a dead-weight and having a severe headache. Not that I have a severe headache. Although with a bit of care and lack of food, that too could be developed.

 I'm so off the track. I've already informed my parents i'll be failing this exam. crap crap crap.

bye now. i'm off to drown my misery in a good ol' episode of two and a half men, before starting more revision.

Looking back over my past essays, I've noticed something.

I appear to have a thing for sticking in quotes from sources completely unrelated to the question, then making the point of crediting my source in the bibliography...but it always helps answer the question.

For example, in one of my law essays about the realtionship between Scottish parliament and Westminster (the former being the latter's biatch),  I quote from Karl Marx's 'Communist Manifesto' for no other reason than I felt like it and it made me laugh at the time. To be exact, I quote "all the latter has is the hope the former be charitable." Karl (I've read most of his work and his personal notes, so yes, we're on a first term basis) was actually talking about the naughty capitalists and the underdog workers. But it completely helps answer the question at hand in my law essay, despite being about two completely different subjects. If you noticed, I expressed in my first set of brackets exactly what Karl was saying, but with more of a modern touch.

In case you were wondering about the title, this post serves Arty right for DEMANDING I post another post. This is what happens when you rush me! Despite that, I do hope it wasn't so intolerable.

I'll never forget the time Arty posted an essay answer she wrote on her blog...And I am fully aware that I have not yet exacted punishment for this deed.

Not that I'm counting, of course...*shifty eyes*

NOTICE TO ALL: please note that after the third paragraph follows some oh-so-complicated maths which is really just for me to keep track of how I'm doing now, then come back and laugh at how well I thought I was doing when in reality i'm doing badly, or vice versa. If you want to read, you do so at your own peril.
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Exams, exams, exams. That's all I do these days. To be fair, that's all I'ev done my entire school career - exams, tests, quizzes and a whole batch of other nefarious methods to test my knowledge on things I'll only ever forget afterwards. Like now, for instance. I no longer need to know about Hobbes, Locke, the Federalists or anyone else featuring on my constitutional law exam: and I am pleased to forget them.

The exam was boring. That much was a given. I was actually feeling a little sick prior to the exam (with a whole host of others... someone complained about feeling slightly dizzy and various other people were suffering from churning stomachs) and they made us wait for 5 minutes until the clock was exactly set to 10:00am, which is a bit daunting. The church bells ringing every hour was slightly off-putting, but the time when quickly and all wasn't so bad. This means I THINK I scraped a third class degree (i.e. the lowest possible pass mark). That is all I can say.

 The highlight of the exam was certainly the end; not just because it was the end, but because I noticed the exam paper had "suitable for all candidates" on the front of it in big, bold letters underneath the exam subject heading. I couldn't help but write "but may cause choking and/or death for everyone else" underneath, which I thought was terrible clever and witty and the time and desperately tried to stop myself from laughing out loud. I was successful. I went and showed it to a friend and we laughed at it afterwards.

Aside from this, nothing much else is news. Oh, yes. I collected an anthropology paper today. What a terrible result! I essentially failed [in my eyes], attaining just 45% (a third class mark. "Third class" makes it sound so sub-standard. Perhaps because it actually is - it's the condolence mark. The "you should have failed, but we don't want the likes of you ruining our figures" mark) - which means out of 10% I achieved just 4.5%. Added to 3.5% (out of 5%) and a further 4% (out of 5%) I achieved, in total, for all written things for one module of anthropology this year: 12% out of a possible 20%. That translates into 0.6 attained. Which is 60%. Which is the lowest possible result for an upper second degree and isn't THAT bad. In fact, it's good. Lower second class isn't that bad (it is bad though). So I stand a chance afterall. I just have to hope - HOPE AND PRAY -  that I pass my anthropology and remaining law paper with semi-decent grades. Law is, of course, 100% written exam and anthropology is, obviously, given the figures above, 80% written exam for both modules. The other module awaits to be given back. The last paper I got 60% in (which translates into 6% for the mathematically inept [such as myself]) which is an upper second, which is fine.

Best case scenario: 60%-70%.
probable, optimistically: 55-65.
probable, pessimistically: 50-60.
worst case scenario: 45-55.

(Notice the overlap. This is because 55% and below is simply not acceptable). Most likely, according to my feelings in the above table is 60%. Which I can live with. That's another 12%... If I'm a border-line case, I feel confident they'll push me up a degree level. I hope they push me up to a first, but knowing me, it'll be from a third to a 2.2, or 2.2 to a 2.1.

If I get an upper second overall, off to law school I go! If I get anything less, well... I'll have to do one of those other career options suggested in a previous post.

 Anyway! Off I go to do something else!

Exams tomorrow. I spent the most amount of time revising today than I have in the entire past week! This is no exaggeration:

Yesterday: No revision done at all.
Saturday: I read something about seperation of powers. I didn't finish it.
Friday: The same as above (that's right folks, I was reading the same essay for two days without finishing it (it was 3 sides of A4 long).
Thursday: Revision at this girl's house. Between 2.5 and 3 hours in duration.
Wednesday: Procrastination ruuulleeeeeeessss! same as below.
Tuesday: Woo! Procrastination! I may have gone to girlies house, can't remember.(the exam's 7 whole days away! you can do a lot in that time, right?)
Monday: Studied. For about 3 hours. That was last week already. Oh, how time flies.

Oh, cruel, cruel exams! Cruel exams!
When I rule the world, I am abolishing all exams.

That's if I pass them.
I don't get to rule the world if I don't pass. Apparantly, no one wants a failed world ruler...

i'm gooooiinnnn craaaaaaaaaaazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.........

uh huh. uh huh. uh huh.

If I fail all my exams, then I shall do one of the following:

1) Re-take the law exams and re-do a years worth of anthropology (there are no retakes in my school, except for law students. Therefore, an entire year must be re-sat).
2) Failing that, beg to switch to straight law, as it's easier (yes, it is. So shush).
3) Failing that, become a journalist.
4) Failing that, become a teacher.
5) Failing that, become a religious leader of some sort.
6) Failing that, become a gigolo.
7) Failing that, become a "health sanitisation officer."
8) Failing that, become a writer.
9) Failing that, become a tramp (a homeless person)
10) Failing even that, death.

Out of all the above, becoming a gigolo appeals greatly. I wouldn't have to do anything (much) and if I get really lucky, could marry a rich "customer" (after she divorces her husband and disowns her 5 kids and 15 grandkids, of course) and be sorted for life. Beats writing, anyway.

....So said the dark-wizard, his longest finger outstreched menacingly towards the crowd which was gathered in front of him, his garments flailing in the impossibly cold gust of wind which suddenly rose up around us, engulfing us all, almost encouraging us to shake with terror. And terror gripped all. Everyone was frozen in their places, no one dared utter a sound. I myself was frozen to the seat upon which I sat, though I attribute that less to the finger-pointing and more to that sudden cold gust of wind. Where the hell was it coming from?

Ooh, this guy was good. Very good indeed.

This took place in the overly air-conditioned lecture hall, as he looked down at us from the podium upon which he stood. He had a jacket and blue shirt on. Odd, for a dark-wizard, but not entirely surprising in this day and age. What was he doing in this lecture room, anyway? Ah. Giving the law lecture. I was wondering where that constant background noise was coming from.

As I awoke from my day-dreaming, the importance of what he said came crashing down around me, like...well, like important information coming crashing down around you. That sort of information never floats in breezily and hover in front of you elegantly, waiting to be digested by your overly-worked brain; it's always with the suddeness and the crashing. Anyway. "The Day of Doom Doth Cometh Upon Thee!" is not the day a piano falls on me or anything cliched like that, but the day I must sit the law exam. And that is the day of doom indeed.

Well, one of them anyway. There are four in total, you see. I must pass three of the exams in order to go to the next year of university. I hope I do. And don't try to console me by saying "oh, you will, you're a bright lad now" because aside from me being forced to smile stupidly and nod at such statements - thereby actually contradicting what you've said - it isn't necessarily a given that I won't fail this year. You see, i'm incredibly lazy. I'm the sort of person who applies for those weird "sleep for 30 days and get paid!" things NASA does every so often. I don't like work. It doesn't agree with my system. Of course, I hope I shall pass. It's what I'm aiming for. In fact, I just got some glorious perspective today.

Someone I don't know called me on my cell phone (how did they get my number? Interesting). One of their dear offspring applied for a course in my university, but wasn't accepted. Mother wanted to know who they could speak to, to push their application through. I have no idea. And frankly, I think attempting to do that would be a waste of time.

Universities here are terribly selective and they can afford to be: there are so many people applying for the courses, it's not as if there's no one to take another's place. My particular university only doles out 40% of its places to people who live in the UK, the rest are from abroad. Strange that this should be the case, but they've chosen to be an international school and good luck to 'em. Of course, they're second only in the political science fields to Harvard. Political sciences being stuff like anthropology, law, economics and all that jazz.

Thus, I realise how lucky I am to have actually gotten a place here: not only was I competing against the international peoples, I was competing with a low 40% intake as well.

I think I'd like to stay here for the next 2 years, to be honest.
And so, without further ado, off I go to revise, so I don't fail.
Bye now!

Argh!!
It's ALIIIIIVVEEEEEEEEEE!!!

*stamps on it*

ALIIIIIIVE!