Picture Perfect

Hmm.
It's been a while, hasn't it? I've been rather busy. But I hear you ask, busy doing what? What could a professional layabout (read: student) have been doing to keep himself occupied?

The truth is, I've been busy with having fun, talking to Cat on msn, very rarely with university work, but mainly looking for one of those job things that common people get from time to time. Something to do with doing work in return for money.

As such, I've been very busy looking at job adverts and replying to them, very boring stuff indeed. Here are some of the most cliched phrases in the world. If you're advertising, please please please, don't use them. They're ever so boring.

Looking for enthusiastic people.
...No way?! You want people to be enthusiastic about your business - want them to do their work well? Rather your employees didn't tell clients how boring selling tea/rubber/something is?

Looking for young, enthusiastic people.
Similar to the one above. Whenever I see this I think "porn baron" and skip the ad. Seriously. Think about it. Why else would "enthusiastic" and "young" be a pre-requisite for a job?!

Ideal candidate must think out of the box.
Yeah, but this is so cliched, the person writing that phrase apparantly doesn't know how to.

Candidates must give 110%!
What?! How does that even work? I can give you 100%. What can i do beyond that?! Would you like a body part? My hand, maybe? If anything sounds like giving over an arm and a leg for a job, AKA signing yourself over to slavery, it's this.

Ideal candidate will be enthusiastic and willing to learn new things. Must be educated to degree level in business studies or relevant subject, have at least 2 years experience in sales, preferably in clothing retailers, preferably a blue chip name, preferably M&S, preferably going to the London School of Fashion, preferably female, 5'5, attractive, want to push the boundries, and have a sense of humour and be able to cook and and and and...
Ok, so maybe I got carried away. But I hate over specific ads. It's usually followed by an unreasonably low salary, or better still, I've seen ads making heavy demands on people followed by "this is a voluntary post."

This is a voluntary post.
It's amazing how many people want something for nothing. It's like the spam of the job-ads section. Sorry, this just had to go in.

Looking for a candidate to work in a newly established government department. Given the sensitive information they will have access to it is essential the applicant has security clearance at CTC level.
I kid you not, this was an actual ad. What the heck is the government DOING? Advertising for spies?!

 Anyway, cat is bugging me to publish, so i away i go. maybe this will be followed by more...